The Sixth Circle of Hell


Did you bring the fire extinguisher like I asked? No? Who doesn't come to Hell with a fire extinguisher, honestly.

Heretics lie in flaming tombs because of their controversial views. On the other hand, it could be because they were indecisive in life. Even prior to death, they could not decide if they wanted to be cremated or buried. That's why they have flaming tombs, it's the best of both. In any case, it's a fire hazard.

I love you, so I say this because I care. Quit being a heretic and quit trying to change the world. All of a sudden everyone wants to be a handyman. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. After millions of years, what you do is probably not going to matter. Take a step back and walk away. Every time someone messes with the system they make it worse. Then they expect me to compensate for their failure. I'll keep my money, and you keep the change.

On the subject of change, I find this quite astonishing. Years ago, someone decided that the world is round. Thanks for filling the uneducated with hopes and dreams, you jackass! The world is and always has been flat. I've seen it with my own eyes. Don't you remember when Keira Knightley fell off the edge of the world? It was documented all this time and you still believe the "world is round" hoax.

You don't have to agree with me, well, you do. If you want to live, I mean. If you don't agree with me, I'll crucify you. And then, centuries later, people will reminisce about you and put you on keychains and jewelry. Is that what you really want?

People seem to cover their ears and say, "I can't hear you, I can't hear you" while walking blindly. All I'm saying is that you have been mislead by those around you. Listen to me, would I lead you astray? Of course not. However, be warned, they will shun you for following me. In the end though, you shall be rewarded. Should you decide to call me a prophet, I won't mind. It's your prerogative.

Watch your step, my blind friend, the steps to the seventh circle are steep.


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