The First Circle of Hell

Just as Dante Alighieri ventured through Hell, so shall we. Our journey begins with the first level of Hell.


In my eyes, this is the worst possible fate. You are basically in an ever-present state of boredom. If you thought boredom was awful here on earth, can you imagine being bored for all of eternity? I'd torture myself just to have something to do. I know the devil is a prick, but the least he could do is provide some Nerf guns. Maybe even throw a parade on MLK Day. And would it kill him to show a movie once in a while?

Besides not having anything to do, Limbo is a very depressing place. Souls in Limbo grieve because of their separation from God. I've tried grieving and it's not what I would call a good time. Likewise, depression is nothing new, people have been dealing with it for ages (mostly with medicine and guns). Unfortunately, Hell doesn't have a pharmacy. You can't stroll in and request a prescription of Zoloft. Now that is depressing. What if there is a medical emergency? I don't think Hell adheres to the proper health and safety codes. They are lucky the fire marshal hasn't come in and shut them down. Although, I suppose they have the original fire marshal, and if he says it's okay then so be it.

On the bright side, which is probably more dull than bright, you can meet a lot of people who greatly influenced the world. The likes of Homer, Socrates, Aristotle, Euclid and Caesar are present. To be honest though, I would probably ignore Euclid. I've never been that fond of math and he seems like the kind of guy who would bore you to tears with theorems. No, I don't understand the relationship between x and y. There's always that one guy, the outcast. People don't associate with him for obvious reasons. Euclid is that guy.

I think we've overstayed our welcome. Let's continue our descent into the depths of Hell. Hold on tight, our next stop is the second circle.


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