Roses Are Red

I love awkward moments. They exemplify all that is inherently human. What some cultures see as normal, others find socially awkward. Furthermore, learning about subtle nuances between cultures is gratifying. Ah, but this is not a class on Sociology, forgive me. When you go off on a tangent it's a reminder that you are becoming elderly.

Because awkward situations happen to each and every one of us, it's only fair that I share a few of my experiences. And since I have a boring life, I'll include other instances of awkwardness as well. True or not, my principle concern is entertainment. Alas, it's time we begin. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

This is awkward.

Suppose you're on a date with your boyfriend and the evening is concluding. Without warning, he whips "it" out. Afterwards, the dialogue between you and your friend might go a little like this.

FRIEND: So you were talking, you're having a pleasant conversation, then all of a sudden…

YOU: Yeah.

FRIEND: It.

YOU: It.

FRIEND: Out.

YOU: Out.

But wait, there's more!

Being at a fast food restaurant and having a fat, acne ridden cashier stare at you while you eat.

Letting one go in a public area and people talking about its vile nature.

While on a family vacation, driving and noticing the van next to you playing a porno over the built-in screens.

An elderly relative dropping the n-word in front of black people while in public and everyone noticing.

People with the Napoleon Complex, like Kim Jong-il (you think Lil' Kim has a "grabber"?). Moreover, seeing a dwarf try to reach an item that's high on a shelf.

College dormitory potluck choosing an Atheist and a Christian to room together.

Jaywalking in front of a cop who is carefully eyeing you (in the case of Seattle, getting punched in the face).

Wearing a Team Coco shirt while being interviewed on Jay Leno's segment Jaywalking.

Premature jubilation and feeling humiliated after everything is resolved.

Walking in on your parents doing the nasty.

While barhopping, you and your friends unintentionally walk into a gay bar.

The birds and the bees talk after your parents discovered your recent internet searches.

Getting carded in front of your friends when seeing an R-rated movie and you're over 21.

Having a guest speaker with a military background yell at you to stay awake during a presentation in front of your peers.

Such is life. This is why I cherish every moment of humanity. All of it is entertaining in some way, shape, or form. Once again, I ask that you share your stories and experiences. Do not hesitate, call now!