You Hear Me Talkin', Hillbilly Boy?

Back in my day . . .

You guessed it, we're talking about youngins. More specifically, kindergartners. Even more specifically, kindergartner gangbangers (not sexually related, get your head out of the gutter). You heard me right. As Santa Claus would say, "They do exist". One thing is certain, these kids are definitely on the naughty list. In fact, the only present they will receive is probably a hand-me-down 9MM. Uncle Killa B needs a new model. Err, that's probably not how "it goes down". What I meant to say was, Unc Masta 'KB' Killa B needs a new "po-po poppa". Apparently these kindergartners are very street smart (that is, until they are old enough to drop the soap). Do what ya gotta do to survive, I suppose. Please don't mug me.

I was never a bad kid (promise). Sure, I had my share of imperfections, but I never held a Kalashnikov in an obscure photo op. Like I said, I wasn't a troublemaker, but I sure was curious. As I recall, I first asked my mom about "s-e-x" when I was 5 years old (honestly, I should have had an early Bar Mitzvah). That was my coming of age moment during which I earned my man card. You should have seen the look on my mother's face. I believe it was at that moment that she pondered motherhood and her delinquent son's future. She even had my grandfather explain this supernatural event. "You see, when a man and a woman love each other . . . "

Kids today seem to grow up much faster. I don't know if our culture is to blame or if it's Hollywood. I say Hollywood because it has always been an easy scapegoat for people not willing to accept blame. That said, some of you don't need children. You know who you are. When you can barely take care of yourself, it might not be a good idea to bring children into the world.

Don't make me the bad guy. I would prefer not to be the old man shouting "you rack a disciprine" to hoodlums terrorizing my property. Sadly, I know some of you will force me to act in an extreme way. I will purchase a dog that rivals that of 'the beast' in The Sandlot. You will NOT get your baseball back.

Important notes: I am not Jewish, a delinquent, old, or Chinese. And yes, I'm single.


Post a Comment